I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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