Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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