YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
