i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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