I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
