How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
