The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
