you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
