Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
