when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
