Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
