Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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