there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
