Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
