Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
