I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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