I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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