he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
