11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
