somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize