New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
