Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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