My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
