i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
