he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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