Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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