I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize