i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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