Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
