At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
