how can u be prego again
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
