well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
