you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
