I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
