I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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