Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
