My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
