someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
