how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
