Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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