Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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