i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
