can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The adults are the big ones right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
