I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
