It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
