Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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