Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
