Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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