Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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