you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize