watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
