Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
