Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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