My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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