we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
