I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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