Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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