you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
