I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
