So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
