Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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