this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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