there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
