Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
