Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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